Her body

failed

in the Summer time

when flowers

were everywhere

she looked healthy

but illusions are often beautiful

inside she began to lose

the fight

waiting until Winter and the drying of flowers

to press herself into the ether

people around her held their breath

some stepped away

for dying is nothing anyone wants

to witness

the prayers and wishes

seemed futile, they had

nothing else to give her

but their tenderness, intermittently

when they could dry their eyes

and spell grief from them long enough

to remark on her dress or her wig

she had the spirit of a horse

her mind one of the finest I knew

I wished to spend hours in her company listening

to her humor, the artful way she

perceived the world

we shared the same blood

tainted it seemed

by so many walks in thorns

I ached every time I imagined

her not being with us

her voice extinquished

though I could never forget her

she touched me as deeply

as if she had been able to reach inside

and holding my heart

write her name among the few

I think of her when I think of

exercising even when in pain

she motivates me

I think of her when I think of

long haired cats and warm English

Summer days

her mother’s solace, the gentle swirl of light

coming through her bedroom window

the sweating beauty of flowers

in every color

her book and its story

the silence of growing sicker

and wanting to hold her hand

without words

I just had

no words

but love

I had love.

It is too easy to describe a life that was not yours, with pithy statements. It is very, very hard to describe a person who had a profound effect on this world, the nuance of them is like their spirit, impossible to capture. Maybe the best way you can understand a soul like Cordelia Feldman is to read her work. I have long followed her blog and been captivated by her insight, humor, and humanity. Maybe ultimately that is all we are. If so, then Cordelia was one among us of the best. Yes I am biased, horribly, but I will say this: Read her and you will see why. I recommend both of her novels for their candor, grit and truth. Cordelia may no longer be with us but I intend to do more than burn a candle in her memory. In the Jewish faith they say a person is never gone if they are remembered. Cordelia you are remembered. My heart goes out to Cordelia’s family who did everything humanly possible to help her and they did, they did, they did.

Cordelia Feldman An article about some of her life can be read here.

Cordelia’s novel In Bloom can be purchased here.

Cordelia’s last book before she passed, Well Done Me, can be purchased here.