The day will come
when you fall and feel you cannot get up
and when that day comes and feels like it’s won
you will pull yourself
inch by inch, of broken spine
cry by cry, scream by scream
until you stand
and when that day comes
you will think on this and know
belief is half the battle
faith the other part
there is no room for query or supposition
let not the terrors a place at the table
the pure hearted know
healing comes from the soul
I tell myself this
at 4am over the toilet bowl
exhausted before I have woken
I tell myself this
when panic grips my chest like a thunder bolt
and whispers in my ear, it’s been six months
I tell myself this
when the person I was, is not the person I have become
but a whisper of what was
we have a choice in our fight
to take it, to face it, or to back down
and though I wanted to give up, though I tried to let go
I’m still carrying the smallest candle of hope
it is in the stains of your disaffection
the hideous recollection of your breakage
when you see through the ugliness that doesn’t quit
and pain needling you like it learned to knit
those fierce moments in between
they are yours
and the day will come
full and bright and brilliant
when you shall, reclaim yourself

27 Replies to “Those fierce moments in between”

  1. When we are at our most fearful, we forget how we’ve survived plenty of things before. We lack the knowing of how much we can take until we’re pushed to the brink and we end up showing ourselves strong and getting through. This poem seems like an expression of the above. It’s heavy with honesty, pain, and sticking it out just because.
    “Every day, a new beginning”. I’m wishing you relief, peace, calm, and total healing.

  2. β€œI’m still carrying the smallest candle of hope” β€”-this line really spoke to me. As I tried to explain the depths of my depression to my dad today, he didn’t understand how I could want to die but also see bits of a future. That little bit of hope that I have been given by hearing, β€œthings will get better” over and over keeps that candle burning.

  3. I have had so many of those days I thought I could not stand and I have literally crawled along the floor one day to answer the door in my underwear (honest truth.) But we hold on and through and keep doing the work and then surrender sometimes to waves we fear will drown us but then end up washing us up in a new place on a new day perhaps clearer in some way. <3 <3

  4. I want all this to be behind you ….loooooooooooong way down in the rear view of your life. I want to be place where you won through the gauntlet. jumped through the flames…. crawled bleeding out of the holes and filled it never to return.
    The fight is everything…the trials are everything in life but six months is enough for you… I want you content…. stronger for the trials …a smile on your face with a new appreciation of the wind on your face on a blustery … I want you whole PLUS more my dear sis… I feel for you and can do nothing but drip words your way… I’m sorry for your pain… I love you dear…

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