I was going through the list of who I am following on WordPress with a view of clearing out people who had stopped writing on their blog. It’s sad. All the good intentions we have, all the excellent names for blogs, the ideas, the effort, where do they go?

Interestingly; I noticed that many of the people who had depression and/or feminism in their title line were no longer writing. I wondered, is that a coincidence or do things that matter but are not popular (depression/feminism) die out?

Whilst I admire those who continue a blog for years, writing faithfully every day/week/month I would also say that many of the BEST writers are those who start blogs and never continue them. I wonder where they are now? I wonder if they are okay? It seems sad to see their potential and ideas lost.

When I was sick I didn’t write for a few months here-and-there but people knew I was still around. I wonder how long it takes to not be around and not be noticed if you are not around, I wonder how long it takes to vanish or feel you have vanished?

Upon joining WP I met with a small group of writers/poets/thinkers and they were my ‘first’ friends here. What is interesting is of those, some are still my dearest friends and some completely vanished and this after professing love and life-long friendship. Of those who vanished, either into their own egos or others, they were the loudest at proclaiming such undying friendship. Had I known then, they were just saying it, I wouldn’t have invested as much time in cultivating those friendships but not everyone is like that, usually only those who speak the loudest (and I wonder why that is?).

At times I am tempted to ask some of those who never keep in touch, what happened? Where’s the love? ha ha ha! Because they were SO VERY effusive and then like a raisin in the sun they dried up and went onto greener pastures … I guess that’s the whim of the budding author for you! Yeah I met a few of those too. I learned from that fickelty though. No matter what happens, I’ll never feel too self-important for those who were there for me.

Going through the list is like looking back on the years I have written on WP and all the people I have met. I feel so lucky to have met those people, so many of them I really count as TRUE friends and I care deeply for them. Others I may not be literal friends with but I admire what they do and who they are, very, very much. We are basically, a wonderful community and I feel richer for being here.

Let’s spare a moment for those who are not here. In our WP world we have lost people. Those who have died. Those who have become too sick to write. Those who are too depressed to write. Those who are not here and though we do not know why, they are gone. Let’s think about those people we met when we first began here, the faces and voices of those who are not here now for a myriad of reasons. I for one, do not forget them. It’s a bit like first-love, you don’t easily forget your first.

Thank you to Rita, Eric, Tony, Monique, Derick and Sabrina, some of the very ‘first tribe’ who welcomed me and whom I had here on WP, for still being around and still sending your sunshine my way regularly.

Oh, and if this teaches me anything, it is to appreciate someone whilst they are here and to try to always keep writing through life’s ups and downs and appreciate the value of people coming into your life and holding you to the light.

For Paul and Cynthia. We remember you.

 

0 Replies to “This is a real world as it is an unreal world”

  1. You are irreplaceable in my life, Candy. Irreplaceable. You allow me the freedom to be unapologetically who I am and that’s gold in my veins. I love you. Life changes, people move on, real love stays with us.

  2. Thanks for reminding us, Candice. To be remembered these days, I was going to say you have to massacre a schoolful of kids, but then I realised that that’s not enough either.

    1. As usual you say exactly what needed to be said. I could not agree more. In my memory palace I sit and have a hot cup of something almost every morning with you and you make me laugh and you make me think. Despite our distance you are near because you are a song bird of poetry and that’s the kind of friendship that sticks in your soul. I couldn’t agree more about the dismissive world outside of our imagination.

  3. This is a great post of acknowledgment, support, and love. I’ve had to remind myself that many people take breaks; mental breaks, growth breaks, and overall writing breaks. I used to get worried about not seeing them around, but thankfully, they always popped back up.

    WordPress is the only platform that I can truly say I always come running back to. I think those that I follow, feel the same way.

    1. I mean when someone is gone like a year and more. To me that’s not a break they really don’t come back. Yeah I agree about shorter breaks of course, but it’s really sad when you cared about a writer and they vanish, it makes you wonder if they are okay, and then sometimes you find out they are not okay. Anyway I agree with you totally it’s the only one I keep coming back to as well. HUGS

  4. Only you (ok there may be others) could write such a touching post about WordPress followers and you have echoed some of my own thoughts, but much more eloquently 😀

  5. is Eric po3tic? There was a writer called po3tic who inspired my work and shaped my writing as much as the published poets have. He was a terrific expressionist. Back then I was writing cheesy Hallmark Card poetry and then deleted that blog and so many others. I literally threw my poems in the dustbin and vowed to never write again. But I struggle with BPAD and OCD with psychosis and decided to come back for good last year. And is Cynthia littleoldladywho? She encouraged me a lot two years ago when i got published and was just starting to find my voice. I deleted that blog too and returned to find that she had passed away. The only poets from years ago who still interact with me are Holly, John, Mia and Bruce. Anyhow I’m glad I found your blog. – Nitin

    1. I think I know which Holly and Mia you mean they are both incredible people. Eric isn’t po3tic? But I hear you, it’s so crazy when people come and go isn’t it? Yes you are absolutely right about Cynthia I think of her often. She was such a good, good person and I miss her very much. I’m glad you came back. Thank you so much Nitin xo

  6. There are some people I’ve followed who have disappeared. Some give up their blogs because they are too busy, but others have other things going on–and some have died.
    You are right that it is good to take the time to appreciate them. Thank you, Candice.

    1. Always. I appreciate you for a myriad of reasons, not least the crucial and important work you do. I hope one day to write one of those sections in your next Rape book that would chuff me to bits.

  7. Oh my! So resonating and heartfelt . This is my mind spoken by you. I really wonder where is that love now? And I already know all this will end and so I should just fucking write.
    Still where are they?!

  8. I’ve noticed several bloggers who stopped writing months ago, and one who deleted his blog without notice. I do wonder if they are okay. Thanks for saying what needs to be said.

  9. I cannot imagine being here and not being in touch with you. You are a wonderful and bright star in my sky, Candice. And if for some reason I look out and dont see you shining out there, I will always look for you. And I’ll reach out every single time and let you know I am here. ❤❤❤ always.

  10. I’m beginning to be here long enough to notice how some disappear, or go quiet for a while and return. I get lax about writing, except for comments and reblog intros, and I’ve just gotten the idea that some of those comments, or parts of them, or expansions, can stand alone (with encouragement from you Candice.) This post also left me thinking of Joni Mitchell’s “Big Yellow Taxi”.

    “Don’t it always seem to go
    That you don’t know what you’ve got til its gone”

  11. Reblogged this on cabbagesandkings524 and commented:
    TheFeatheredSleep reminds us to appreciate what and who we have while we do, because, as Joni Mitchell sang:

    “Don’t it always seem to go
    That you don’t know what you’ve got til its gone”

  12. Sometimes I get worried too. They were people I followed who were in toxic relationship and I fear that they went back to the madness. I feel like I want to say don’t do it but I am powerless.

  13. I’ve wondered about a few people that I never hear from anymore. It’s a fickle world here, that’s for sure. I’m certainly happy to have known lots of y’all here, but there are a few that I’ve missed, after just up and disappearing, or announcing their departure. Why do they vanish or leave? Not sure, and I suppose it’s different for each. Hell, I may be one to do that very thing too! Who knows? But, I think sometimes things just run their course for someone. Still though, I miss them.

  14. I know, Candice. I become attached to writers of WordPress and it’s a strange relationship, but since we’re all baring our souls to each other, these connections can be deeper than real life ones with those who could give two shits about our souls. One of my favorites, Existential Baker, just went silent back in February and just a few days ago his wife wrote a post that he had passed, but will continue blogging in his honor and to develop her own writing voice. I am so happy she chose to let his readers know, that we may properly mourn and remember, and that she is now opening up about their shared life. Perhaps we can all consider letting our spouses or a close friend know how to access our blogs should anything happen to us.

  15. Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? (a little Paul Simon reference). I wonder as well, where have all the flowers gone? (a little Pete Seeger reference). I miss those strong voices, those poets, those sensitive souls. I’m sure they’re still making a difference, even if we don’t know it.

  16. I literally had tears in my eyes reading this and it as also after reading the loving comment you posted on my recent post. I often think action is better than words. Those who speak a lot about things may not live up to their words.. are they walking the talk? Only time will tell which is why as I get older I trust less and less what people say and look more at what they do. We can speak without even knowing who we or other people are sometimes, But on the other hand care for others makes us realise there may be another reason they have disappeared and that is cause for concern and deep sadness.

    I am so honoured to be your friend and this site has literally saved me on more days than I could care to name. I look at the love given and received and think thank God for here. Thank God for you and everyone else. and even the ones who go well they touched our hearts for a time. I have noticed a lot who disappear but I also hold out a positive hope they may have moved on to a new life.

    Hugs and lots of love

    1. Dearest, you’re right, I hope those who are not here anymore are somewhere where they are happy. You’re right, actions speak louder than words. Often the person who says a lot . .. does nothing and the quieter one is the one who moves mountains. I’m so grateful for knowing you and our faith in each other and support in each other and caring, can literally mean everything. 💓

      1. I feel that that deep assurance in and true love of a soul and heart the can reveal (even sometimes through words) is sensed at a deeper level than words. And your poetry reveals so often the deepest integrity I feel so grateful to call you friend. Yes it means everything. >3

  17. This is one of the hard things about on-line friendships. So often you are left wondering what has happened to a person that you loved to follow. Especially if they were elderly or unwell. Kind of sad that we will never know…

  18. I for one am glad you’re still here and still writing, Candice. Your efforts have challenged me, comforted me, and just plain entertained me, and the warmth you have always shown me is something that I will always be grateful for. I truly hope you never just disappear from WP. Your friendship means that much!

    1. T, you and I will always be friends. I admire you and like you, the best combination and you’re right I feel very warm towards you I am certain we knew each other in another incantation. I’ll ALWAYS be pestering you it’s how we roll. Tatiana understands this. The bond of the vagabonds.

  19. You’ve echoed some of my own thoughts, Candice. I’ve been here almost seven years and there has been a tremendous turnover of bloggers. Some I knew suffered from depression, some had other problems….some suffered losses in their lives and lost their incentive to write. Some moved on to other blogging groups… On and on. It makes one leery about becoming too attached. But I always do, because you never know when a friendship might become solid. (Back in 1992 I became friends with a large group of poets on a Prodigy forum. Some have died, some faded away, but there are three of them – Hal, Andrew, and Mary, who are still good friends today. One I’ve met in person.)
    (And, oh – I too miss Cynthia so much. Sometimes I feel she’s still here with us all, reading over our shoulders, encouraging us….)
    What I wish is that I had met you sooner, Candice. I’m so glad our paths finally crossed. And hopefully we too shall meet in person. ❤️
    Sorry for rambling…. You made me take stock – thank you, ❤️

    1. I know we’ll meet in person. I’m certain of that. I love you. I feel the same about Cynthia I love the idea she’s watching. I miss her. She was such a lovely person. I agree it can be easier not to make connections but as you say when it works it’s so worth it. We support each other we believe in each other.

  20. A fine tribute, Candy. Sometimes when I look back at older posts, I see Cynthia’s face among the likes and comments. Warm memories are triggered. Thank you for my mention, my friend. X

  21. I’ve been on a hiatus for a bit to continue my healing and rehab, but you and others here are always on my mind as friends to catch up on once I have the ability to. I’ve been wrestling with inspiration to create since my energy has been sucked into daily functioning for so much of this year. All that’s to say, I haven’t forgotten about you! I resent my chronic disorder from taking me away from what brings me joy, while at the same time, I have to pay it the attention it needs so it will stop dominating my existence. I know I’m not alone in life’s cruel twists, and I think WP just tends to be a microcosm of that ebb and flow. These are good questions you ask…I also figured I’d be forgotten here if I were drawn away by other demands. But, I realize that’s likely not the case. We’ve all had to take time away in order to come back. <3

    1. Sweetheart, remember when you were going to leave and we put up such a fuss? You belong here. I agree about chronic illnesses but you do far better than you may credit and I for one would notice I’d you were permanently lost but I’d email you and check on you. You’re a marvelous writer it will come back I promise. You are my friend 💓 and I care 💓

  22. I follow about 100 people. It varies some, as I also weed through. I only follow those I read. So I am picky. But I have seen some writers disappear. Honestly; I remember all the schedules (or lack thereof) and I will email someone if it’s been too long. Even if they post and say “I’m taking a break” I will email and say, hey, I miss you or I’m thinking about you. I think it’s important to tell people these things. If I took a break or disappeared, I would be sincerely touched if someone reached out to me. Took the three minutes out of their day to say, hey you’re thought of. Thanks for writing this. I do love your blog.

    1. More people should be like you beautiful girl because we actually CAN be as good friends online as any other way. You’re the real deal because you actually check on people you’re not a Fairweather friend. I met my best friend who writes on here, online, and she’s the one who recommended me writing here. Best advice ever. I don’t follow many people, and I know those I do and care about them. I can’t do enormous numbers I’d rather a handful of real friends than a thousand fake. I really appreciate you.

      1. Yes Yes! A thousand times yes! I am not in need of numbers. But I DO want to impact and change and hopefully improve a couple lives. That’s all that matters as a human being.

  23. It is a strange place, these etheric friendships, yet I’ve found my best friends can materialize after years away and we pick up every thing we know of our though lives. Here it’s the same, there is no physical attraction as such, there is a soul connection, and that never dies. I always consider myself blessed to have found you, your writing … you’ve given the life experience perspective, your strength unbounded …

      1. How you express all you have lived lifts so many, your writing aligns with your purpose, even when it seems the world is only throwing down another challenge … Just found this saying by John Muir – “It is still the morning of creation, the morning ra are singing together and all the children of God are shouting for joy ! “

  24. Thank you for this touching post. I followed several troubled souls when I first started blogging. I wrote a lot about addiction back then, so I attracted addicts and those who suffered through the addiction of loved ones. The majority of them disappeared from WP after a few weeks or months. I still think about them and wonder how they’re doing – especially the addicts, whose lives were precarious. I doubt whether they knew how much I cared.

  25. I recently stopped writing because I had a baby. She is my third child, but I wasn’t trying to make a serious career out of writing back when my two oldest were babies, and she has been quite difficult to get into a sleep routine, so my time to write has been very limited over the past five months. And when I do find the time to write, I would rather work on the novel that I’ve been working on for the past four years. My blog is just to get the creative juices flowing, but I simply don’t have that luxury these days :/

  26. Personally I am really glad I’ve stumbled across your blog. I do appreciate your writing a lot and it inspires me to continue to write myself. Sometimes life can be too much, but even then writing is an outlet I wouldn’t miss for the world. Let’s hope it stays that way, doing my best.

  27. This is a lovely note. There are very few on here I connect with. I had higher hopes when I started. But it’s like ‘real’ life I suppose. I have very few ‘real’ connections there either. It’s hard (for me anyway) to connect in the world in the past years. In fact, I was just thinking about this today while I was driving to work. Is it me, or is the world…or both? I know I have very, very dear friends–so I am not completely numb. But making connections, new ones, is harder. I’m fussy, and introverted now, and lazier than I used to be. Only so much time in the day and I’d rather not get to know to most people. Although, I do love casually talking to MOST people? It’s weird… But my plan for my next move will be to shake up this whole way I’ve been living and turn it on it’s head. We’ll see if I can do it.

    1. Perhaps you’re unduly harsh on yourself. At least you like talking to most people, I have an aversion to small talk. Truth be told of you have any loyal friends then you’re rich. The average person outside of family has 1/3 best or close friends and some acquaintances but few close. Most people socialize w/ family or subscribed groups like church. It’s harder making friends as you get older, people have less time, most aren’t open to or do not need more friends. Men have fewer friends than women but they’re more liyak. I’ve only ever wished for a handful of close friends I’m too exhausted by socializing to do more than that. I truly think most creative people with a moral conscience find it hard to befriend many people, you could see that as a positive, you’ve got a good sense of what works. I am glad I’m not as social as in my teens, but it is a lonely life at times having connection helps so much. I feel the same way about you and am lucky to call you a friend. I wish we lived closer as it’s especially nice to hang out IRL but I’m lucky either way. Don’t automatically assume it’s a deficiency in you, men would never ER assume that so we as women must try not to either 💓 ( and because it isn’t true)

      1. I talk to people because I never know who might teach me something, even unknowingly. So I stay open to that possibility. And my friends are my family since my family can be lame at times. Groups aren’t for me but I am hoping some day to find more of a sense of community. It is partly me because I am closed. But trying to understand why…❤❤

  28. Apologies for my absence. Got a job. Been Working for a month and 2 weeks. Resigned today this morning, due to 3 men at work who picked on me a lot. It was extremely toxic environment. Been coming home depressed and upset. Thought my heart was going to stop yesterday, Health comes first, I’ll find a good job a better job.

    I know exactly what you mean by this post. Hope you understand.

    1. Congratulations for the job and commiserations for the ending of the job but you have to protect yourself Asimov that’s more important than anything and I am so sorry to hear they were like that. Toxic environments are the worst. No wonder you were depressed. I’m glad you are out of there. Health comes first. I truly believe you will find a better role for you there are many things you can do many – do not give up dear one

      1. Right, toxic environments are terrible. I think my PTSD is kicking in on me. They pushed my buttons to the extremely, and I broke down alone so no one can see. I was depressed and angry. Now, I can start a new chapter, move on, and look for a better job and do what makes me happy.

        It’s good to hear from you. Now, poetry can begin to express and experiment with the imagination.

        P.S. I posted something yesterday regarding to the aftermath of what I was feeling. 🙂

  29. I remember you. I have not left, but you were removed from my contacts by WP. I suppose that is a glitch? I hear others talk about it, and find it frustrating. I do remember people, but I would not be able to remember every name exactly and find them, or I would think they had gone away, when really I just wasn’t seeing their posts.
    Great post, and glad to hear you talk about it. I miss people too, especially the ones that are not coming back. Not sure if you remember me 🙂 but these are my thoughts on reading this. Thank you.

    -Rose

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