On the day before my birth there is no celebration
There is the echo of empty rooms gathering dust
And years well versed in disappointment, a special ache
Much as I try I cannot summon gratitude like I ought
For another year without you seems no success
If you’re listening and even if you’re not
Implored through my bones, often
My wish to be stronger
Not to tear at the thought of never seeing you again
A death come before dying, you never get used to
These wasted years laid out as fortune teller turns
The card of hollow hours gathering their agonized regret
It has scraped the hide from my soul to be shunned
Boiled my marrow in acid at the thought of your scorn
There is nothing more painful than rejection
When someone tried to hurt me now, I almost laugh
That the best you got? Take a leaf out of my past
There’s a deep pain in losing and a greater in you wanting to lose
Me; for who am I without you? To live knowing
The one who gave me life has turned away
Invalidations’ sting so thorough, you could flay me for supper
And I wouldn’t even flinch, no, it’s not pity I seek
It’s the love in your eyes, now extinguished
If you’re listening and even if you’re not
Leave me the tools to survive your loss, long practiced
Teach me to cope with hating myself for not being ‘more’
They call me strong but they only see the artificial
I have no strength left, it has gone to chase you
Through time and every choice made, each turn a question
Could I have ever saved us? Could I have had the power to
Keep you here? Where you remain still
Imbedded in my heart, a favored beloved thorn
For the oddest part is how much I love, the one who hurts the most
Is there strength in love? Or am I a greater fool for not
Letting go?
The most fundamental, instinctual desire
Teacher to all others
One gift of love no other can replace
But a rebel heart, however wounded
Beats refusal to do the same withdrawal
And loves, perhaps more fiercely
Whether heard or not.
Such painful anguish
Heart felt & heart rending. Always remember you are loved ღ