I am not a singer
you will not find me on stage
I was never her
she held a sway over you, a celebrity
that I did not puncture
now I see it was always
you and she
I was never there with you
I am happier that way
though it took some mending
for no mortal coil wishes to be deceived
or possess no value
be a thing of ridicule and promises
empty and fanciful
least by silver tongued claimer, with beautiful eyes
some seek big cities, bright lights
those of us born beneath incubator bulbs
among shut out people with dull familial instinct
want something sincere and reaching
not blistering and hot, a thousand egos in a city that doesn’t sleep
a long time realizing this
I wasted time trying to change hearts
that can’t be altered
though time, for a writer
Is never truly wasted
for a lover
Is never truly without value
even if it was only I, who loved
there is a place for all things
and I know now, what to do
the next time someone
spoonfeeds me dreams
says; It’s only you baby, it’s only ever you
who is performing behind their eyes
14 Replies to “Showbiz”
In the end, the scars do not know the hand that held the knife, only the touch of the blade. It is the heart that finds the lie in the eyes, but often too late.
Ooh. I love this. The regret and the cautious (if unintended) optimism of “next time.” Nice rhythm in the last stanza. Good stuff, Candice.
Reblogged this on cabbagesandkings524 and commented:
TheFeatheredSleep – Is it real, or just another performance?
Your words are like knife on fire. It pierces deep and leaves the mind thinking and that’s something many can’t do.
You completely capture the almost broken nature of being both writer and lover. Where the pain of love fuels the writing and writing forces both forces both knowledge and seeing in the lover.
What beauty it would be to see and know for true and write from joy than pain, if only for a short time.
Beautifully written… and quite profound…
Well, that is the hope, yes. I suppose I just have gotten used to managing expectations.
Thank you. I love this comment. As to your question, it would be beautiful to see and know from joy than pain. I have before. I’m sure I will again. But I hope not for a short time, but a very, very long time.
I was told the other day it is expectations that hurt us most. I tend to agree. But it’s hard not to have any. A difficult balance. I suppose I’m an optimist in that, love isn’t worth it if it’s not going to be long term, I can’t feel that much and let go the way others can. Believe me I see people acting like a ten year relationship never happened, or revealing they always wanted to be with someone else, I just can’t be like that.
I agree. I’m always going to want forever but, I am all too aware that doesn’t always work.
For myself, I will love them forever. Even if the relationship didn’t work. (maybe I’ve never been sufficiently hurt to make that not the case)
Such a painful lesson
Deceit always brings hurt to the deceived one!
This is lovely and lush. I connected with your writing in so many ways, and I hope to be able to write from this more healed perspective soon!
“the next time someone
spoonfeeds me dreams”
A valuable lesson I learned, and one I carry into more than just love relationships. Lovely and deep, as always! 🙂
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