I am not a singer

you will not find me on stage

I was never her

she held a sway over you, a celebrity

that I did not puncture

now I see it was always

you and she

I was never there with you

I am happier that way

though it took some mending

for no mortal coil wishes to be deceived

or possess no value

be a thing of ridicule and promises

empty and fanciful

least by silver tongued claimer, with beautiful eyes

some seek big cities, bright lights

those of us born beneath incubator bulbs

among shut out people with dull familial instinct

want something sincere and reaching

not blistering and hot, a thousand egos in a city that doesn’t sleep

I spent

a long time realizing this

I wasted time trying to change hearts

that can’t be altered

though time, for a writer

Is never truly wasted

and emotion

for a lover

Is never truly without value

even if it was only I, who loved

there is a place for all things

and I know now, what to do

the next time someone

spoonfeeds me dreams

says; It’s only you baby, it’s only ever you

I’ll check

who is performing behind their eyes




14 Replies to “Showbiz”

  1. In the end, the scars do not know the hand that held the knife, only the touch of the blade. It is the heart that finds the lie in the eyes, but often too late.

  2. Ooh. I love this. The regret and the cautious (if unintended) optimism of “next time.” Nice rhythm in the last stanza. Good stuff, Candice.

  3. You completely capture the almost broken nature of being both writer and lover. Where the pain of love fuels the writing and writing forces both forces both knowledge and seeing in the lover.

    What beauty it would be to see and know for true and write from joy than pain, if only for a short time.

  4. Thank you. I love this comment. As to your question, it would be beautiful to see and know from joy than pain. I have before. I’m sure I will again. But I hope not for a short time, but a very, very long time.

  5. I was told the other day it is expectations that hurt us most. I tend to agree. But it’s hard not to have any. A difficult balance. I suppose I’m an optimist in that, love isn’t worth it if it’s not going to be long term, I can’t feel that much and let go the way others can. Believe me I see people acting like a ten year relationship never happened, or revealing they always wanted to be with someone else, I just can’t be like that.

  6. I agree. I’m always going to want forever but, I am all too aware that doesn’t always work.

    For myself, I will love them forever. Even if the relationship didn’t work. (maybe I’ve never been sufficiently hurt to make that not the case)

  7. This is lovely and lush. I connected with your writing in so many ways, and I hope to be able to write from this more healed perspective soon!

  8. “the next time someone
    spoonfeeds me dreams”

    A valuable lesson I learned, and one I carry into more than just love relationships. Lovely and deep, as always! 🙂

Comments are closed.