Maybe it’s time to stop wearing
a dead woman’s perfume
find my own
smell
be my own
woman
I met her when I was 11
looked up to her in that tinkering way
I have continually become besotted
with older women
those who knew more than I
all the secret clubs they belonged to
giving me entrance by default
knock, knock, admittance, change your coat
alter your mind, don another mask
take a turn at the carousel, the diamond
cut of your eyes as you churn out living
into the willing mouths of babes
go on lap it up …
drink yourself into thinking you’re not you
comfortable with anything but
your own skin
the smell of your life clinging to my escape
like a day old glass of wine
just drinkable, a little bitter
redolent in mid-day sun
as soft as fur
I think I’m old enough
to be myself now
which means
your smell
in that white bottle
that I can only buy in rare perfume shops
because it was long ago discontined
much as it reminds me
of being a young girl
trying to understand why
she had feelings for older women
(that were definitely not about seeking a mother)
those days are over
I’m old enough now to have had
my own children
and while I still
have a thing for older women
I’m not going to smell of you
and the memories
anymore
I loved this! It was tender but felt bluntly truthful at the same time and delved into the inner workings of identity. Well done!
This is such a strong poem with a revelation in it that’s even stronger.
“drink yourself into thinking you’re not you
comfortable with anything but
your own skin
the smell of your life clinging to my escape
like a day old glass of wine
just drinkable, a little bitter
redolent in mid-day sun”
The above lines are the meat of the poem for me. This is flawless.
When a time comes to put away a childish thing, does it being precious make it more important to do? Very likely, but also not to forget, so save that last white bottle to look at, to hold at certain times. That girl still lives within.
Reblogged this on cabbagesandkings524 and commented:
TheFeatheredSleep – A letting go
I so get that link with a perfume & a particular person & time in your life… a Body Shop vanilla oil triggers me, as does some expensive Japanese designer perfume (my first girlfriend’s signature scent)- isn’t smell amazing? 🙏🏼
There comes a point, perhaps, when we stop trying to be what we want to be and become who we are. This is certainly the mood this evoked in me.
Nicely forward-looking
Ah so well said and SO TRUE
right? It’s like the oldest sense and the most acute. I can literally feel sick or euphoric based on it. I completely agree.
She does 😉
Thank you so much wow to get a flawless from you is like .. wait I think a heavenly entity is knocking on my door!
wow thank you so much dear eric that means so much ! I appreciate you
Haha. Shush. You’re welcome!
You are absolutely welcome! I wanted to thank you, as your piece reminded me that blogging is more than occasionally screaming into the void, but is just as important is to listen. There are voices worth hearing and letting them know they are heard. I heard you, you my friend.
I am really touched. It makes doing this worthwhile.
🙂
<3