Body
I have abused you
when the day seemed eternal and the night longer
I threw myself into the ether and struck the match
body
I have loathed you
picking apart the various seams with the ingratitude of the well
complaining a luxury
body
I have shunned you
railed, swore, sucked in, brutalized with curses, prematurely ageing
the right for skin to breathe without shame
body
I have denied you
pleasure and equality, I wrote the rule book and it
held no regard for your right to be beautiful as you were
I said instead
you were thick trunked, imperfect,
unwanted, freckled, pallid, flabby, old
yogurt nobody wanted to eat when pancakes were at the table
I spent many years envying and giving away
years like dance cards
body
now you wear down, tired of my eternal scorn
you talk in collapses
here take that says sciatica
you think you can shun me? Says paining stomach
you can’t outrun your design, hisses genitals
we will drop you in it, whispers loosening skin
see if you live well then, without us, cries bone
remember the ten year old who has hidden
behind the folds tucked away
remember when you just ran out
dressed silly and not caring a jot
and the world was kind to you because you were a child
they didn’t point at your flaws
but gave you ice cream on the beach front
did you hate me then?
When did you learn to use dislike as a language?
Did it make you happy to?
Did you forget how to just be?
Who taught you to loathe so thoroughly?
Is hate the legacy you want to excel in?
And my hand holding the quill piercing skin.
Body
forgive me
even as it’s almost too late
and you bear the scars of my dismissal
my unkindness, my neglect, my fury
forgive me the error of not appreciating
you held me up
all these damn long years
more gracefully than I ever had
a right to
It comes to mind, the riddle
The Riddle of the Sphinx
What goes on all fours in the morning
On two legs in the afternoon
And on three in the evening?
Oh, this mortal frame, so fragile
As worn and injured
By neglect and indifference
As by loathing and abuse
That tolerated the excesses
And illusions of invulnerability
Of risky youth
I remember a mere forty years ago
Running like the wind three miles
Now after 50 yards, a knee demands a brace
And chastises with every step
But if our young selves had prescient wisdom of age
What joys and adventures and discoveries
Would we have forgone?
This is so hard hitting and emotional to me. I sometimes loathe my own body for the issues I have, especially with my stomach so I feel like I can resonate with this–the cursing to the body, despising it, wishing for something better… It’s like you crept into my thoughts.
This is heartbreaking to me and how vivid this account of the poem is, I have tears in my eyes right now–specifically at this:
“and the world was kind to you because you were a child
they didn’t point at your flaws
but gave you ice cream on the beach front
did you hate me then?”
It brought me back to that once care-free world where nothing mattered, no one cared to judge or scoff.
I love the visceral and evocative quality you always bring to the table with your poetry. It’s moving, it’s devastating, it’s heartbreaking, and it’s real. I’m mesmerized by your writing style as well. Oh dear god, this piece is powerful and relatable. <3 We do realize we eventually have to treat our bodies kinder as they're the one body we have until we pass, and you communicate it with such an impact.
So salutary
Thank you so much dearest Lucy. Whilst I don’t always write directly of myself it’s the theme which I want to address and speak to, and body-issues among women (and men) are wide-spread, among us who are sick, or those harkening back to childhood and its freedoms. Sometimes I wonder if that’s why some women want to be thin, so they can be as children. We do need to be kinder, to each other, because even when not children, why be unkind? Thank YOU for reading this dearling one xo
This is so powerful, really made me think. Thank you!
Such an important message beautifully penned.
The entire piece is so relatable, but I especially loved this line “When did you learn to use dislike as a language?” Women especially can speak so ill of their bodies, and it’s high time we started loving ourselves!
Thank you so much dear Jeni xo
Easier said than done and I’m by no means a good example but I agree with you!!!
How did I not know this one? I LOVE it
The riddle appears in Oedipus Rex by Sophocles, but may well predate the play. When Oedipus attempts to enter Thebes he is confronted by the Sphinx and must solve the riddle or be eaten. He solves it and the siege of the sphinx is ended. He is rewarded with becoming king by marrying the recently widowed queen, thus unknowingly fulfilling the prophecy.
As for you loving it? YAY!!!!!
This is so beautifully written. Why are we so horribly unkind to our bodies, we never like our own. I hated my body when I was so skinny and skinny was in then I got breast and hips and now I don’t want those curves. I got down to a two and was happy with my body and now back to a five complaining again. I love this piece because the truth is so amazingly in our face. Beautiful work. Congratulations again on your Anthology. ❤️🤗😘
Thank you so much dearest Joni
You’re such a bright man. You continually remind me to learn more, read more, think more, be more.