I have abused you
when the day seemed eternal and the night longer
I threw myself into the ether and struck the match
I have loathed you
picking apart the various seams with the ingratitude of the well
complaining a luxury
I have shunned you
railed, swore, sucked in, brutalized with curses, prematurely ageing
the right for skin to breathe without shame
I have denied you
pleasure and equality, I wrote the rule book and it
held no regard for your right to be beautiful as you were
I said instead
you were thick trunked, imperfect,
unwanted, freckled, pallid, flabby, old
yogurt nobody wanted to eat when pancakes were at the table
I spent many years envying and giving away
years like dance cards
now you wear down, tired of my eternal scorn
you talk in collapses
here take that says sciatica
you think you can shun me? Says paining stomach
you can’t outrun your design, hisses genitals
we will drop you in it, whispers loosening skin
see if you live well then, without us, cries bone
remember the ten year old who has hidden
behind the folds tucked away
remember when you just ran out
dressed silly and not caring a jot
and the world was kind to you because you were a child
they didn’t point at your flaws
but gave you ice cream on the beach front
did you hate me then?
When did you learn to use dislike as a language?
Did it make you happy to?
Did you forget how to just be?
Who taught you to loathe so thoroughly?
Is hate the legacy you want to excel in?
And my hand holding the quill piercing skin.
even as it’s almost too late
and you bear the scars of my dismissal
my unkindness, my neglect, my fury
forgive me the error of not appreciating
you held me up
all these damn long years
more gracefully than I ever had
a right to