Had you asked me
To embrace the idea of dying, before allotted time
I’d have said, no savage emotion, ever led me that far
It was as if
I skated every so often, on thin ice of sadness
Without being absorbed, to its fathomless hollow
In that singular experience, I was far luckier
Than those who see only darkness
I had claimed my own piece of light
From a family legacy hell bent on repeating, the same shrouded walk.
From the start I altered trajectory, a mix of stubbornness and fear
For some will be proud of where they came, their strong willed ancestral history
And others … wish it wasn’t so … spend their lives trying to be anything else
I tried so hard, skin chaffed from my fingers, plucking my own way.
So you can imagine the depth of grief, felt reaching that same temporal state
Of wishing to ease the stir of life, by death’s permanent wick.
Often it is not the same course
Brings you to a well travelled place
But the last thing you’d expect
A sudden illness, like a thimble that lets in needle
As sharply she infiltrates your well being
Until hollow cheeked you are wretched, begging for end
On that day it so happened
The sky was the kind of blue dreams are made of
Emptied leaves reached up to embrace the rays
Newly returned birds called full throated to the world
And sitting with a desire to die, and place pain forever gone
I felt the sun on my face, heard the russle of last year’s leaves
My fatigue whispered, do it now!
And I did not listen
Because I truly wanted
To stay sitting in the sun
Another day more

27 Replies to “Another day more”

  1. I try ๐Ÿ™‚ That’s all we can do isn’t it? Today I think the darkness won – but maybe there will be other sunshine days to attempt. Thank you for your support and friendship is means a great deal to me.

  2. So many have been in that place at least once in their lives and then the Lord sends something or someone across our path the change it all. I’m so glad you decided to stayl ๐Ÿ™‚ <3

  3. So eloquent and beautiful. To find the little joys in life in spite of illness and suffering – that’s what makes us even more alive. It sounds counter-intuitive but life actually becomes richer, deeper. I can relate, and now live for those days in the sun, for trees, flowers and birds. Life becomes more precious. Sending you love and hugs, Candice. โค๏ธโค๏ธ

  4. Candice Louisa,
    This one was like grabbing the last page of a letter to a secret lover.
    Shared thoughts on hidden things not discussed with anyone else.
    More sadness, though.
    So, yes, stay in the sun.
    Please don’t go anywhere but here.

Comments are closed.