4f593252ef32b7830e6dd93df6f585acThis is all I want
I want to separate you from the lie
divide the rotten from edible
keep the true half
this is all I want
I want to deny and I want to rewind
to the place you first made
me feel
there underneath the lemon tree
with tin ornaments chiming
like informal instruments of hurt
waiting for master
there as sun dappled river water
turning brown to copper
you crushed my fingers together
knotted my heart within yours
there in that sharp aspect of honesty
dissolving fear
you could not have lied then
looking at me with your onyx eyes
hiding nothing
there when I opened my chest
everything waiting within the wings
poured into you
we mixed ourselves in each other
blood, tar, tears, bruises and wishes
changing color, swapping features
indistinguishable in rebirth
I could no more tell you where I ended
and you began to exist
twins of sorrow, born to feel everything
finding each other the only salve
when it got too much you would
grip me tightly and we’d see
the reflection of us in the water
shaking with light and misunderstanding
as if time could not contain
all that we felt
this is all I want
for you to say you were not
a figment of my imagination
a missing part of stepping stone
to the other side where you stood
waving and urging me on
cross over
here I am
I promise
I will never leave
I hear your voice low and
reedy, carried by wind down stream
my socks are wet
my hands tremble
I reach for you
grabbing chalky air, dry with claim
where you were once whole and certain
now dark water is still as glass
I see myself reflected alone
emptied of promise