When you’re a writer people tend to think
you’re writing about them
that’s if they are arrogant or believe you must feel that way
so often I am not writing about the person who believes I am
so often I want to write that as a preface before the poem
this is not about you / that ship sailed / that ship never was
securely moored or even existed
…
sometimes
or should I say, just once
it was about you
I did want you to know
just as I couldn’t bring myself to say it face to face
or sound the words out loud for fear
what is spoken is then real
…
I didn’t think of myself as a coward, where emotions were concerned
yet found myself floundering and blushing in your presence
like a school child again
perhaps it is because from the outset, you were impossible
as if I had stuffed all my wishes into a jar and set it to sea
and you had returned in the jar, stepping out and holding out your hand
I didn’t know if you liked women, if you liked me and my kind
there’s a die-hard rule among girls who like girls
don’t date bi-curious, don’t let yourself get broken
don’t show your cards until it’s patently obvious
but you’re not an obvious kind of person and you weren’t going
to show me anything until I took the plunge
you said i’d get bored but it’s the other way around
you stay like migrating butterflies, only a short time
before going on with your pilgrimage
and those who want more of you
watch the skies with only memories
I admit I am a simple woman emotionally, who has
a heart easily penetrated by the feeling of loss
but it is time for us both to change
you to trust, me to let go and not need
forever as a promise
it was your mystery from the outset
the little shape of you and your deep voice
wound me up into knots, got me crazy
a tiny dancer on the fringe of my consciousness
I held back because it terrified me
those kinds of feelings don’t come around often
I keep myself in check and don’t pursue
I wait for them to come to me, it’s safer
but you wouldn’t do that, it’s not your style, I found myself
walking in your direction, wobbly on my feet
from the taste of nerves
for girls like you don’t exist
they are carved out of yearning
I made you with my thoughts
for if I could have said everything I searched for
and put it into a woman
she would have been you
except surely I was imagining it
when I saw you look at me in a way
usually meant for other times
surely what I felt, was not reciprocated
for emotions aren’t psychic are they?
could you hear what I felt, as clearly as if I had
spoken it aloud? Could you tell by the burning
in my eyes, the wetness of my mouth?
As I lay in bed at night I would try to unpick
the moves we made around each other
trying to guage what was real and imaginary
how could I reveal my heart if there was a chance
you’d repulse me and i’d be wrong?
i’ve never been the kind of woman to put myself out there
take those kinds of chances
it’s not a lack of courage
I’m simply not going to walk into rejection
if you know its taste you don’t go searching
but as with all emotions, they either die from neglect
or swell in intensity
I could not sleep, I lost my appetite
searching for you in the folds of day
until it was impossible not to say
even if you turned and laughed
patted me on the cheek and said
I feel sorry for you
…
but we who have lived in this world a while
can hear beneath the arch and curl
if we really listen
those hidden things people do not tell
and I thought I saw
in the corners of your motion
something stir
so if you read this; yes it is about you
and if you wonder; yes I do
and if you call for me; I will come
to the summit where people who are strangers and known
stand and expose themselves to
the terror and beauty of
their desire
You write from the heart, it must be a very big heart ❤️
Wow! I cannot but hope she reads and finds what she has been waiting to hear.
Reading the preface, I couldn’t help thinking of a song by Carly Simon.
Yes yes yes to ALL of this, preface included. You rock my mismatched socks ❤
Reblogged this on cabbagesandkings524 and commented:
TheFeatheredSleep – A poem with a message for one in particular.
Beautiful, did you get my msg about submitting to that anthology? Really hope you can? 💓
Which is INSANELY psychic as I was humming her today!!!!
We always hope that the ones we Need will see what we have written. Unfortunately, it is often that they will assume that it’s not, could not possibly be, for them.
Hard as it is, painful as knowing may be, asking is the only way. Unrequited maybe is blade embedded in the heart, quietly killing without outward mark.
From the heart of a poet who specializes in breaking themselves
I adore you. Can I stand next to you as a demi-poet who specializes in half-breaking herself?
You are right, unrequited is horror, but doing nothing is death. You taught me that friend. Life goes by fast.
Better someone thinks it’s not for them than a grandiose egomaniac assumes it is I suppose :0 Poetry is for everyone and no-one.
Charlie, THAT is a lovely thing to say. I hope so. This world needs bigger hearts doesn’t it?
It certainly does and you make it a better world with every post 😀
I did indeed, thank you for thinking of me! I’m going to write something brand new for it 🙂 xxxx
Of course you may stand next to me. You are my friend.
And the grandiose egomaniac will always think it’s for them ;), but some poems are for everyone and for someone. I tag those, so that my muse will know
I have favorites of yours… and I am sure you know which ones… but, this one is now on the list. Especially because of these lines:
“As I lay in bed at night I would try to unpick
the moves we made around each other
trying to guage what was real and imaginary
how could I reveal my heart if there was a chance
you’d repulse me and i’d be wrong?
i’ve never been the kind of woman to put myself out there
take those kinds of chances
it’s not a lack of courage
I’m simply not going to walk into rejection
if you know its taste you don’t go searching
but as with all emotions, they either die from neglect
or swell in intensity
I could not sleep, I lost my appetite
searching for you in the folds of day
until it was impossible not to say
even if you turned and laughed
patted me on the cheek and said
I feel sorry for you
…
but we who have lived in this world a while
can hear beneath the arch and curl
if we really listen
those hidden things people do not tell
and I thought I saw
in the corners of your motion
something stir
so if you read this; yes it is about you
and if you wonder; yes I do
and if you call for me; I will come
to the summit where people who are strangers and known
stand and expose themselves to
the terror and beauty of
their desire”
Lately, you’re pushing out such great gems, unmistakably so. This one is no different.
Oh man. I feel you, love.
The fit between your preface and the song is perfect.
Oh! Oh my heart!! I simply adore this. It’s so perfectly beautiful.
Favorite lines:
“a heart easily penetrated by the feeling of loss” (ohmygod Yes!!)
“I made you with my thoughts” (oh so much in this, where to start?)
You capture so well the tentative terror and beauty of the approach to lesbian love, but, you know, as a heterosexual male I can identify with much of this
Beautifully written, ” soul-full” ! The universe works in mysterious ways, I hope she reads it !
Emotions are sometimes best kept hidden for self- preservation
So, so good! And true!:)
go, girl! 💕