I told a compassionate jurist once, the recipe for understanding the anxious at heart:
the most disturbing clamor, is that of positivities drum
it beats loudly outside their chamber
be grateful for life it proclaims
illuminating sub-text running a ticker tape parade
if you are not grateful you are a bad person
for we know, the anxious will always examine
the inverse and underside
as they themselves are examined and categorized
if you say well at least be glad you are not dead
they will consider all those who seek life
so desperately and why they
who remain unsure at water’s edge
do not perish instead
(take my place! take my place!) (what crimes exist within our fates!)
if you say well, it could be much worse
they will consider all the terrible things that can occur
and condemn themselves for any pain
it is the nature of the anxious mind to examine
things in detail
so when they’re told to be happy
go to the gym every day and wash your hair
eat right, socialize even when you feel quiet
through positive action you can get a handle on what ails you
the inverse message reads
and if you still feel sad or anxious afterward you are to blame
it is that sub-text that haunts the most
cure is the curse is the cure is the curse
maybe if it were not seen as elective
subj-text: I choose to feel this way
torn into pieces flayed by wolves
a part of me wants to live like this
how absurd
would we say that of someone with cancer?
you know you want this disease! You brought it on yourself!
ironically depressed and anxious souls make
good bed fellows
when they say misery loves company it is a judgement
wedged between passive and aggressive
you choose to intensify your downfall is the implication
but in truth
those who will reach for you in the darkness and say
come take my hand I will walk with you and light the way
are many times those least equipped to do it
often it will not be those who think themselves compassionate
they will stand on the fringe and shout
recommendations for healing from a distance
as if the leper who cannot be touched
must stand apart and die in a new brand of isolation
the divisions of the haves and have-nots
contributions to misery
like tossing a penny in a well and making a wish
is not as good as causing that wish to come true
by actions
not scolds
not rebukes

0 Replies to “Recommendations for healing from a distance”

  1. Perfectly describes the feelings of those who have ever dealt with depression or addiction. The alienation, the “why don’t you just ….?” Amazing work Candice

  2. Excellent message!
    Cuts to the heart of the garbage we sell people who just need our empathy and help.
    Open the pocketbook and shut the judging eyes. Open the ears and shut the mouth.

    1. So well said, a poem in its own right I think! (thank you, the mercy of the stranger is what has literally saved lives, it is sad when we cannot rely upon those who know us to show the same mercy).

      1. Real mercy is a precious jewel. Those who give it are treasures. We need to mine and cultivate more of that treasure in our young people. Poems like this can help make them aware.

    1. I really appreciate you saying so. It was a tough one to write because I really wanted to convey the message for everyone who has been left without help and also with an idea that there are those who care out there.

    1. Lovely Lady (I suppose I can’t call you girl if you are a mom to a great daughter) I can hardly believe you are old enough! She’s lucky to have you, because many parents really get aggravated and fed-up with their kids anxiety I know you must do all you can for her, and she will be better off as a result of having a mom like you my friend. (Another reason to admire you).

      1. You are so kind. πŸ™‚ Now I’m really going to blow your mind; my girl will be 20 in May, and she has been living in her own place (five minutes away) three months. Nicole is a Certified Pharmacy Technician. I love her infinitely.

        1. Did you hear a big SPLAT! ?? That was my mind BLOWING! Ok I admit I find that impossible! WOW OH WOW! I’m proud of you! Not only do you get to bring such a wonderful person into this world but you retain the visage of a girl yourself! Okay definitely impressed! Magic! That’s a really good job she’s going into. It is insane that she’s 20 you could be in your twenties, not that getting older is bad (it’s great) but GIRL you got it goin on!

        2. Seriously looking at your picture I’d say you were a really good looking twenty something. I’m personally glad I’m well out of my 20’s and 30’s but I know the world at large, excepts all women to be perpetual 27 year olds. Not me. Glad you are older actually, another thing in common, though NOBODY would ever believe it !

  3. This is gorgeous. Really loved the dialogues in between! To some extent I imagine this poem as a conversation with oneself, the ongoing conflict within someone.

  4. Wow! So amazing! This really spoke to me, as someone with mental and emotional issues and finding that people don’t want to here or don’t want to help. I really liked the parts where you wrote about home an anxious mind turns on itself and can’t help but over analyze and dissect every little things!
    As others have said, your writing flows really well and you have a great gift for metaphor as well!

  5. Thank you for liking my post – I wandered over here to check out your blog and this happens to be incredibly comforting to read. I appreciate it.

  6. A very important description in one having to deal with depression and addiction. Depression is a very serious and sensitive matter.
    I feel this way a lot and for this poem I relate so much.
    Brilliant work sister. πŸ™‚

          1. Yea he said before I moved in that he bought furniture, a microwave and other things. He kept lying and piling them up. I had my rent paid until April 4th and last Thursday he picked a fight with me over nothing as the staff was kicking him out and I got displaced and have had to spend all I had to go into a weekly and I’m having other issues both physically and financially.

          2. Well about two and a half weeks ago my right heel started hurting and it was black. No new socks or sneakers and I hadn’t trained and I had not kicked anything. It got better there and moved to the outside then inside of my foot. It was horrible and I have a high tolerance for pain. Then it wrapped around the top and I had a lot of fluid sitting on top. I could barely walk. Despite everything else I went to school. I went to the ER two weeks ago yesterday and they said it could be several things including flesh eating bacteria and more. I went to school Saturday and I had to ride the bike while holding crutches and they didnt help. My tests, as always, were inconclusive and now daily something new hurts and a week ago I broke out in a horrible rash. It has come one gone and I’ve interviewed, went to day school Thursday at my uncles insistence and it’s going to cost me pay and I kept myself asleep all day yesterday

          3. Yes I’m in the gaming school. It started out real weird. I didn’t trust him at first but got comfortable. He had weird things always going on and said he bought this or that and was gonna put me on the lease. In over two months he only got a shower rod, a curtain, plastic cutlery and soap. He kept cooking 5 meals a day and broke my frying pan and made it to where I couldn’t cook very often. A week ago Thursday I saw my doorknob was changed and I called my uncle saying something is wrong either he’s leaving or he’s kicking me out as I noticed a lot of his things were lost. I had given him a 100 dollar deposit for cable before I moved in even though I wouldn’t use it. He never got it and it took him 6 weeks to give me back 40 and he said I only gave him 50 and showed him his text and receipt. So I shorted him 45, which I said we are even. Then he said in Thursday that I was always making excuses etc and I said no that’s on you and it went back and forth and he took 75 bucks in groceries and cooking sauces and threatened me twice and you can’t even spit on someone 55 or older. He threatened that the person he was moving in with, during the week he called up 8 ppl at the school about all different move in deals as he’s a scumbag, the person on the phone said he wasn’t coming over to fight and advised him to stay away from me as he said have you looked at him? He will kill you in a fight. I found out he had not paid rent since he moved in and never paid the electricity

          4. I suppose I would ask – why do you keep meeting weirdos who try to fuck you over? If you can figure out what the common denominator is, most likely that you trust assholes, then maybe next time you won’t trust someone who will fuck you over, it seems there are a lot where you are at, and that just means for every step forward you take two back, and I know you’re trying hard, so that’s counterproductive. Sometimes you just need to hang with different people, take yourself out of that melieu and get with people who are reliable and honest – because there ARE a lot of game-players and if you get caught up in that you are lost. I know you try, so next time just cut out those types and go for normal regular people who don’t play games, I reckon you will be less disturbed and be able to get on with what you are trying to achieve. It’s not fair on you otherwise.

          5. Well I’ve written posts in just that subject. Most ppl say it’s the water here and those that have always lived here. The common denominator is saying they will do something and a few days after moving in they haven’t, which is already too late as I keep weeding them out and come up with the best of the bad ones and that hasn’t helped much. They come from all over and different ages, sexes and race. There are a lot of straight up crazy ppl wondering the streets and almost one third of the ppl here are homeless, hookers or pimps. Now I have to quickly get added work and hope for the best

  7. So beautiful Candice…you’ve captured the essence of an anxious heart and mind so perfectly and poetically. Hearts & minds that always questions when the next shoe will drop… as if going through life cursed with feeling everything too much wasn’t enough, we always anticipate what will go wrong next. Our anticipation becomes a self fulfilling prophesy of our own creation where every happy moment is followed by sorrow. If only there was a switch to flip that stops the racing thoughts, the heart of uncertainty and doubt we live with constantly. I could never give voice to those feelings as beautifully and completely as you have here my dear friend. ღ

    1. Thank you so much. I bet you could. I think we just do it in different ways. There are so many ways to express those feelings – I find watching a dancer or listening to music can do it just as well in a very different way. I do agree that we can go down the road of a self fulfilling prophecy and it is hard to break that cycle I do not have the answers that’s for sure. Thank you dear one, for always being a candle.

    1. I think of you so often, as if you are walking alongside me. You are the hand I reach for in my thoughts to discover what I believe is truth, it comes from you through the bond of understanding that few find among friends but when you do, when you do you never want to let go.

  8. This is everything in a swallow. πŸ‘ŒπŸ’ž – it daunted on me that I wasn’t seeing your posts on my feed. On investigation, somehow I have managed to unfollow quite a few people….. I now feel reconciled. πŸ™

  9. People who go through as you have described- are told to pull themselves together and ‘ snap out of it’ if they tried hard enough. No they could not-! no more than you can snap out of the flu- or a-broken arm. Your poem- I will show to my 17 year old daughter when she awakes. All day yestersday I walked for over 7 hours trying to understand. I went into the library – got 3 good books out to read. Then I read your poem- and again another gift of understanding. My experience was my experience- every one is different. You are certainly someone who understands indeed ! How are you my friend? Have missed you since around March 7th.

    1. Maybe my lovely friend if everyone had a dad or mom like you are parent to your daughter, they would not suffer as much as they do. But you are right, it is unavoidable so the best answer is honesty and lack of judgement, apparently this world isn’t so good at either of those! I hope you are doing okay, I took a little break from blogging xo

  10. I have read this unaccountable times. My friend suffers from anxiety. I wish I could have felt what my friend feels before I lost her. I know now, through you, through your words, why I lost her. I miss her but at least I understand. Thank you for sharing.

    1. This am I just read your poem of today and was like WOW so we are a mutual appreciation society! I am so very sorry about losing your friend I do know that feeling it is just … impossible to describe how that makes you feel. HUGS

  11. This helped me understand how to help less and be more in the process of for others to connect with true help. It is a great mystery that in being ok with being helpless we find the help we need the most.

  12. This whole piece deeply moved me, but this line especially so:
    “….but in truth, those who will reach for you in the darkness and say, come take my hand I will walk with you and light the way, are many times those least equipped to do it…”
    This has been the experience on my journey; the ones who took my hand to walk with me were indeed people least equipped to do it, but always more than willing. However in my case, they were usually people like myself, suffering, wounded, and broken, unable to find their own way. Together we searched for the light in our darkness. Though that may not be what the line intended in your piece, it resonated with me nonetheless. Both power and beauty in your words. Thank you so much for sharing.

    1. Oh you are so welcome and moreover I’m so grateful for your words. Thank YOU. I agree, we are often ‘saved’ or at least, reached for, by those least able in terms of their own suffering. It is why I am so amazed by the kindness of the hurt and so sad when those who are ‘perfectly well’ walk by and ignore the suffering. As with your own experience, the people who have helped me have been the broken. I wish I could say more in their defense and appreciation. I”m glad you notice and feel the same way xoxo

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