always wanted to visit New Hampshire
because of John Irving’s book & the film with Rob Lowe & Natasha Kinski
could not act
yet their chiseled attractiveness
stood in for them, a superficial filler
as often is the case
for some that is how
life’s entirety unfolds
they don’t really choose
going with the muslin crowd
falling into things like sharpened
pencils sit neatly on a desk
ready to be taken up & blunted
I never felt easy or molded to
others surges
when the crowd hastened to rise
I would take the other pew, sit a while
watching the admonishment of wood
bending over itself in prayer
where discarded moments
buoyed a sense of artificiality strung on a line
flung into frozen lake
as melancholy as any conjured mist
for it was my curse to be a romantic
& New Hampshire is just another place
where my dreams lay a while
purring against naped fancy
it is sometimes better not to seek them out
for they will never be quite as you imagined
life is no film or book
it is a long & windy road sometimes rendered ugly by
man’s fecund print
the only dream is found
in youth or its diminishing wings
when everything is a stage
& beauty elucidates our need
to believe
the hand of ancient love
helping each other dress stiffly by creaking radiator
four knees popping with affection
I want to retrace the mortar of what beseached
me to hold castles in the air & believe
one day I would witness magic
for if my hopes were less grand
more flat and ordinary
I may not have spent so long
gazing upward at empty rafters
thinking myself an acrobat
afraid of heights

0 Replies to “Afraid of heights”

  1. Magic in your poetic words is cinematic.
    These lines hit home:
    “life is no film or book
    it is a long & windy road sometimes rendered ugly by
    man’s fecund print”
    Your right, no one should adapt or re-enact film or book
    because the reality of it all, we have control of life and life puts us humans at a struggle to which we strive and challenges us ahead.
    Man does cause harm to the world and planet in the name of business, war, and economically. Hope I didn’t read too much into that line but its what I interpret it.
    Welcome back sis! I missed you so much.
    P.S I know your busy, when you get a chance please respond back to my text. πŸ™‚

  2. Absolutely awed by “watching the admonishment of wood, bending over itself in prayer.” So beautiful and heart touching as is the rest of the piece. The concept of ” if my hopes were less grand” is a story in itself. Thank you for sharing your beautiful gifts!

  3. But I can’t help but wonder which is worse — to hold lofty expectations and fantasize, yet live in fear of attaining that ideal (or, perhaps, not fear, but the knowledge of its impossibility); or to carve out the flat, ordinary vision, and to obtain it, only to feel deadened by its lack of dimension and absence of color? I have lived the latter. I now live the former.

    1. I agree. I’m your opposite I used to live the lofty expectations now more the flat reality. Very well understood my perceptive friend, my wish that you earn what you deserve which is a lotβ™‘

  4. Sublime! I hope you had a wonderful time on your trip! Glad you are back safe and sound and writing, this piece is just another example of what an amazing talent you are. Love it!

  5. I found in my own personal life that I missed the dreams I envisioned because I was so focused on them that I missed the dreams that were being offered in perhaps another way or direction. And the embracing my disappointment when my expectations weren’t met, added even more to the sense of loss and betrayal. As always you express your feelings and those of others so incredibly well. Je t’aime, Natalie πŸ™‚ <3

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