You are dead , this letter is for you
the kind of paper it’s written on
Chengxintang, or Florentine marble
unknown, you may delay but time will not;
soot, by-product-of-fire, formation of ink
squid, gold, glass, the pen’s nib, fine, finer
all things that once mattered
now hardly recalled, Bazaar without gilded trade
no-one sits on carpets drinking mint-tea
funny how in one life time, even less;
what we knew, what we could rely upon
vaporizes into Samarkand ash
it’s a living funeral, all kinds of absence
bundled into packages without address
where do we send ourselves? When grief
reveals her ragged heart, where do we go?
When this play has moved on and our letters
go unopened, unsent, dissolving
fig, pulp, tangerine, 4pm sun
I am the only one who remembers
and I hate that, I really hate that
keeper of naught, keeper of all the things
that matter nothing to anyone else
where the little pill box from the roaring twenties
with a Tamara de Lempicka replica is painted
in miniature 30/0 nickel ferrules was
stolen by a friend from a lighthouse, the Île Vierge
that kersanton granite giant, its bright white light
bleaching hours, counting disciples with abacus
who else will cherish those memories, evaporating
in situ, like a watched wound never scabs
who cares for the toys with their sorrowful
glass eyes and well stitched sides, who will
make the connections we made? Like chess?
You’d say about now; Oh, that reminds me
of the quote from Lear; “Poor naked wretches, wheresoe’er you are,
That bide the pelting of this pitiless storm, How shall your
houseless heads and unfed sides, Your looped and windowed
raggedness defend you From seasons such as these?
O, I have taken Too little care of this.” You’d marvel
at the recollection, even as dimly, your own reflected
partial and insubstantial mirror numbed, still, still
we boyed the other, through rough storm, through temper, tempest, torment
becoming at times, our very indemnity, others
the warm curve of solace, never strangers
till now, where your eyes are dull, shining nothing
back, no recollection, record still against blunt
needle, un-played, our favorite song, it feels
like a burning, 5th of November, watching Guy Fawkes
in his effigy suit, catch hungry flames, reduced
to dust, are you there? Do you hear? Will you see?
All childish entreaties, rinsed from time, she
stands, a cruel thing, inevitable, inescapable
I hate her, I really hate to witness, what I
have long feared, now it is dormant, not
galloping alongside me, breaking a sweat
now it is slow, slothful, disorientated, they
stop posting, mark the prices too high, thief
the stamps of their lick, everything prefix is an affix
a tumble of errors and delight, beneath thick
cloth, where the world had no assess, we divined
make-believe in costume, masks of feathers
your slow grin, sloe gin, stained teeth
smoking a black cigarette, head tossed back
oh god life was astonishing then, then
you are dead, this letter is for you
unsent, sealed inside me, where I dry,
and husk and molt and wilt faire de la confiture
beneath endless gris mote and rote
without you, still, still, gone almost
hanging on for what purposing?
A torment, in fancy-dress, we
clasp leather reins, canter, gallop
smelling of horse and blood-oranges
spilling through the heavy doors
here at last! Sorry we’re tardy!
Where it’s never too late, until it is, then
padlocks become our winter bones
beneath cold water, an odd reflection
Alice stared, until she could neither see
the way out, or the way forward
drink me, they urged, drink me
and she grew so small, so miniature
nothing could hurt her anymore
not even the echo of your laugh
you who did not read any longer
who rested in the sunlight, one ring on your finger
too tight, they said; perhaps soon
they’d have to cut it off.
An Epic Interpretation of Letters Never Sent … well done Candice … 🤗💛🌏😍
I’m thinking of my father
Of his long, slow dying
His piecemeal forgetting
His shrinking to weakness
Just every now and then
A memory bubbling up
For me to harvest
Before it evaporated
And I find a feeling of kinship
With Melville’s Ishmael and Job
“I only am escaped alone to tell thee.”
Wonderful imagery in this so poignant memoir