Nobody notices trembling hands if you sit on them
Resembling keen school child, leaning slightly forward
Her tongue on the roof of her mouth to stop hiccups
Watching herself from grimy ceiling
Noticing how maddeningly, acoustic pebbles collect dust
Much like herself, no matter how viciously she washes
Stains permeate over time, ever deeper, closing on permanence
Palmolive soap, a fetter; nausea, her first swallow
Women at her church ask why her knuckles are so swollen
“Why, from ramming my fist down my throat, of course,” she never replies
A man once accused her of fucking with her eyes, so she
Does it every day now because it seems powerful, compared to anything else she’s got
Children can cry until they’re beat red and in an instant be well again
With the proffer of ice cream; she wishes she possessed that chameleon
Mask capable of switching off hubris and becoming steam
If she was, she’d evaporate, ah yes, just like that
Carbon into heated air, into brine, ocean, primordia
Careful not to bleed her lipstick into those fine puckered lines
Fanning her mouth in fatal croquette, loosening her curls
She is finally camera ready; a shining specimen of her sex
The weight of years leach pigment, gas has no color, an odor
Just enough to be unsettling she decides, as careful
Not to spoil her freshly sprayed varnish
She places her tired head inside clean scrubbed oven
To play a favorite song
In the ballroom of her mind.
Wowsa! Candy, you’re brilliant to capture and convey the anguish, the depression, bulimia in this piece. Even disturbing subjects, you manage to present the depth of human frailties with such elegance. ❤