Her ankles always turned slightly blue in early summer
she didn’t know what bunions were
the brash Canadian with wide mouth and platinum hair
smiled benevolently in the pricy shoe store
buying 4 pairs herself, she pointed to the red suede sandals
on her feet; reduced 75% off, her kind of price
“that straight strap will inflame your bunions more”
she waved at a protrusion on her big toe, knowledgeably
“and rub your hammer toe too”
the crestfallen 4th toe that felt calcified
she couldn’t ask her mother about these things
sandals suddenly seemed ugly on her broken digits
funny not to notice before, now lit in flashing neon
how could I have been so stupid? Should I stop wearing
strapless bras too? What other faux-pas exists that I’m
blissfully unawares of?
Flaws can get by without detection for decades
ignorance is bliss
it helps her understand now, when young women
get Labiaplastys because unwittingly they’re
subject to pornography’s depictions of
how their genitals should look. She wonders
if she had been born in this hot digital oven of comparison
and scrutiny, whether she would have purchased
a house in Alaska somewhere and turned everything
including herself, OFF.
It was enough you see; to lose the falsehood beauty of her feet
she doesn’t have the strength to stand under a spotlight
be picked apart for her myriad flaws
it’s hard enough to pretend she’s competent and capable
even on an easier day, she feels like a fraud
where the kid who didn’t like school, has to make good
and work with the kids who did, all grown-up
who paid attention in grammar class and know how
to read out loud without fluffing their lines or
chewing their hair
she was the girl who sat at the back
unable to spell well in any language
wanting to climb out of the window
in a dragon suit and climb buildings
growling. She wanted to eat Monster Munch
in trees with green parrots (she was corrected about that once,
they’re parakeets apparently) watching
Peter Pan look to the skies with
heavy bronze longing and remove
the pain from her soul like a ring from a bull’s
nose, just tossing it away to be pressed
beneath sand by the next approaching
footprint.
A wonderful touching poem! Beautiful! <3
I want to tell her (whisper? shout?) “Do it! Pluck it out! Drop it in the sand! Walk on on feet with their own kind of beauty.
Awakenings can be so rude
yes. It seems silly but sometimes not knowing you are ‘ugly’ or perceived as, can be freeing and I would wish everyone had that ‘ignorance’ without needing that rude awakening to the judgement of strangers.
me too 😉 I think however, it is scathing for many in a world increasingly consumed with physicality
Certainly so