I never think of you

which isn’t entirely true

you cross my mind, a chill shadow

footsteps on a grave, portending

infrequent and unwanted

opened orange pain, bleeding falsehoods

hungering for a fool to believe

the lies you’d already convinced yourself of

sometimes the fleshless straight jaw

of a loud character actress reminds me

of your insistence, how you could

carve wild fables on tree bark

and declare yourself a feifdom.

What you don’t know

little narcissist

is I thought of others

and all the time you assumed, believed, wrongly convinced I thought of you?

I wasn’t.

I thought of her, the one who wasn’t delusion in fancy dress

the deftness of her precision and craft

how her intelligence is like a knife at times, carving words

she is whole even as she is in pieces

her alacrity, poise in every motion made

I have a thing for smart people, brainiacs, especially ones with ink on their fingers

humility and honesty shot through with kindness

rare like black squirrels and scotch honey

all those things you pretended to be

researching how to infiltrate and disrespect

privacy and a person’s right to say no

choose someone sincere over the false play

of your blustering grift.

You knew none of this

certain you knew all, could summon

from sheer bloody-minded-ness

obedience and acquiescence

but you earn respect, you don’t frighten it out

with bloated lies and sharp threats

grandiose in ways that terrorize

the sane

blackmail a game for paupers without integrity

that which you never owned

you were just a stalker

who thought it was all about you

when I never even considered you

a footnote.

17 Replies to “Footnote for a narcissist”

  1. Okay! Whoa! Come on now, this is everything!

    β€œyou were just a stalker

    who thought it was all about you

    when I never even considered you

    a footnote.”

    This is exceptional, Candice, from start to finish.

  2. Next to being spared knowing one (alas, a gift more rare than hen’s teeth in the world today), the best way to deal with a narcissist, and powerfully put. Oscar Wilde would approve such revenge.

  3. Thank you very much. You probably recall a few years ago this really happened and it took me a long time to write on it because truthfully I was afraid of push-back. Then I realized if you know you did nothing wrong you cannot live in fear, you must live fully including sharing experiences – if nothing else so others do not have to experience them and whatever we learn from those experiences can be shared to warn others. It is remarkable how many young women seem to experience this from both genders and also how many men do. I think the online world and total lack of privacy makes it pretty easy for people you do not know to turn up at your house unbidden. The UK has better privacy laws on those things.

  4. I adore that you mentioned hens teeth – always thought that was brilliant

  5. I’m a sucker for old sayings and oblique sayings and those you just think HOW THE HECK? I think our vernacular is getting quite boring with all the ‘yeah’ and LOL out there. Bring back Hen’s Teeth!

  6. There really are. My second book is an old English northern saying – nobody remembers the saying but I liked it!

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