793d6b43ec2993ccb696f4d407287ee3We stood in the early morning silence, two warm silhouettes
waiting is the hardest when goodbye comes afterward
my bag a leaden brick in my throat
I thought of all the times you let me down
trying to reject the pain with supplanted anger
I could only miss you more before I was gone
the sting taught me the truth of us
these ties binding us over time and water
they never did listen to reason or sense
age, advice or security
we collapsed at the same time, head first into a river
carried along unable to climb out and dry off
why is it so easy to shrug some people?
forget and move away propelled by current
and others
command the underwater tow
they cling even as we fight without knowing why
wrapping around us in familiarity
sooner felt than can be sensible
 
more than familiar, you and I
beginning before consciousness
forming pre-determining chain links
recollecting pathways as you would
your own nature
did you create me out of your mind?
am I your child? your chimera?
at times it seems I do not exist until you
open your eyes and bid me morning
you, safron firebird in sky whilst I
hold up my crooked elbows and inspect
where you join and where I end
unable to fathom epileptic from phenomena
some of us are born with internal scripts
already printed and stored in clay
some of us are born with destinies tattooed in
the crook of our arm
a map of sorts
to each other
whichever way we take
make sure it is the way toward prophecy
where in hypnagogic trance our memories
form prior to birth
is it real? is it illusion? A play on words?
all is subjective painted into our make
with fine horse hair brush
 
our hearts are not master
the brain distributes sensation with
seeming spontaneity but all is drawn before
held in the minds of gods planting forests
they chose us to find the other
before we knew to seek
coming from inside out
who existed first? you or me?
without you I simply ache and ever longing reach
you are my pulse
threading rhythmically beneath
recognizing two who are one
reconstructing fate
whatever happens
however far we are led in wrong directions
as stars lick magnetically
we always return
no matter consequence
to be apart, always worse
than anything humans can create
 
we began when the universe
exploding in one enormous sigh
split itself into infinitum
gauging space and time where
before only emptiness knew
to be alone
that is what it feels like to
go one day, one hour, without
your arm to reach for and remind myself
the luster of your fur
soft and thick beneath the world
carpets me safe
so long as you stay close
within a single
heartbeat
 
 
 

0 Replies to “déjà vécu”

    1. Having just read your lovely piece this morning and felt like it reflected in me like still water … sigh – reminded me of On Golden Pond (as an aside, I visited the actual Golden Pond as well as Waldens Pond recently, really incredible to go to those actual places that we thought of so often in our minds).

      1. 🙂 You know, one of the things I like best about the whole notion of Walden Pond is that Thoreau was practically living at home while he ‘contemplated’. He didn’t have to go into the wilds to feel close to nature; the pond was just around the corner and he could sleep in his own bed at night if he wanted, and eat with his family, meals cooked by his (probably long-suffering) wife.

        1. EXACTLY! I truly think you’re right, it’s not this exodus of experience but something quite ordinary and every day that is made magnificent. That’s what I was saying earlier about some of your pastoral poems, you make out of the ordinary the best – that may seem dull but it’s the opposite it’s the ability to do that, as the Brontes did so well, that is the real heart of a good writer. Anyone can make something incredible seem incredible.

  1. Tangled words to weave such a profound piece of literary art. Must say I love the kitten in the photo…somehow they always seem to stick to my fingers when passing them by.

  2. This it me like a ton of bricks:
    “more than familiar, you and I
    beginning before consciousness
    forming pre-determining chain links
    recollecting pathways as you would
    your own nature”
    such phenomenal piece

    1. Now that I read it back I can see why, as it incoporates a lot of what we have talked about doesn’t it? I can see why you would relate to it as I do – and well I guess that’s not a good thing in some way but it’s a thing nevertheless!

    1. You realize you are so precious to me? That you are always so supportive of my work is .. so very very appreciated and helps me to write, as at times I can be very self-defeating. Your encouragement is everything. Thank you SO much my friend.

        1. Lucky are we, those few who find in unexpected places always, the little burning candles of mirth and hope that flicker and never go out, because they are made of good and dwell in the light, helping those of us less accustomed to it.

    1. Wow what did I do to deserve this? You are so very kind and this is great timing, I was feeling SO down and then I read this. You are an angel my friend! Thank you dearly for lightening my day! I so appreciate you I hope I convey that as it is so true. You have a really, really good heart.

      1. Candice, I am sorry to hear you are down! You have done nothing to deserve this but write really wonderful, thought provoking things!! So it’s all your fault 🙂
        I really hope your day has gotten better! And thank you for your sweet words. Take care of yourself <3

  3. Wow and wow again. What a magnificent piece of writing! To coin a phrase, it simply knocked the breath out me and I’m almost speechless. I simply have not adequate words to praise this piece of writing. Would that I had such a gift with words!!! Je t’aime, Natalie 🙂 <3

  4. I am still amazed that when anyone string words together. it can show such beauty. Only some of us have this gift – you certainly have this gift. The words you brought together brought the ideas together that before weren’t put into being until you wrote them down. It causes us to contemplate otherwise.

    1. Tamara your words are so needed at this time I thank you for them. To believe this is true is really incredible and I had been quite down on myself so this means a great deal to me. Thank you. Wow. I am at a loss for words you just made me feel really, happy. I am glad to know you.

    1. TOTALLY agree with you my friend. Having had some relationships break I had doubted this for a time, but then when I think of those I have known nearly all my life, who are still really close to me, I realize, some may, but many will not, they are meant to be. Thank you so much for reading this and your lovely words xo

      1. That’s fine. I just wanted to link with you there, too. Its’s a good place to promote blog posts. Let me know if you ever get one!

  5. As all of your work does, this left me speechless with a ache of understanding. I can’t really say which part of it I love the most…but I can say that this line:
    my bag a leaden brick in my throat
    Holds so much brilliance for me and I can’t describe in words how I love your mind and how it works. I can’t formulate a response affectionate enough for what I feel about you and your work. I love you, Lady. <3

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