I am an addict
an addict who
never takes too much
nevertheless I am addicted
in ways that are unproven or run
thin white scars shiny and tight
like crossed legs try not to uncross
I am addicted to you
I am addicted to the feeling
of being high
it’s easy when you feel like you’re dying
to reach for a bottle, a pipe, a rolled paper, anything
to take away the crime
of hurting without cause
or so it appears
to the callous world who say
get a grip for fucks sake
you are pathetic
oh yes you feel you are
lying beneath them after swallowing too much
of their blow back
see, we’re two different species
the addict and the non addicted
the latter wake up and see
they are not nailed to a cross
their fingers are not blistered and torn
rent by iron and blood
stretching in the morning sun
going for a jog
balance over balance over balance
supple minds malleable bodies
for the addict who plunges
into abyss there is nothing powerful enough to resist
everything
take a pin stab yourself
if it helps do it again
take a person cut your neck
if it helps do it again
take a lover, slice them in two
keep the half that won’t leave you
the addict only knows how to chase
the feeling of relief
blinded by the agony
of seeing
themselves without skin

0 Replies to “Addict”

  1. It’s easy to start running
    Much harder to stop
    I’ve been on both sides
    I think once you
    Begin to understand
    You are less of an addict
    And more of your person
    As Sheldon Always

  2. So much here to think about and meditate on. My addictions right now are controlled demons, constantly reminding me it would go ok. It would be different. I am older so I could handle it better. I know one thing to be true: demons lie and only live for my death before moving on. Thank you for taking us places we wouldn’t go without you.

  3. The craving, the need, yet having the awareness that it’s toxic to you, of addiction is overwhelming. And running from is much easier said, or wished for, than done. Beautifully descriptive, as always. 😊😊

    1. I thought you might only because many of your poems hint at this and I thought you might ‘get’ where I was coming from, really appreciate that, good to know I’m not seeing things πŸ˜‰

      1. Nope, I’m with you. My mind is totally on board with this, my body hits a brick wall, though. So while my mind screams at me to have my fix, my body is frozen, hoping my drug will notice me anyway.

  4. Ah addiction….so many things our brain longs for. Even that ‘jog’ can be the dragon. And we chase it till there is only one winner left standing…

    1. So true. I love the idea of ‘only one winner’ as I think that is what motivates so many. I’m glad to be ‘out’ of the race officially πŸ˜‰ (and metaphorically!) xo

  5. Finding the vein, drawing back, watching the blood, stopping, waiting and looking. Anticipation. Soon the relief will come, just one push. Then the pain will stop… For a while.

  6. Trying to formulate an intelligent response and I can’t find the words. Being an ex-addict myself all I can say is your poem speaks truth. Thank you for sharing Candice ღ

  7. I have never thought once that you were pathetic. You suffer, you are challenged, you fall down a well, and climb back up…then you fall down that damn well again…. Those damn wells..they really should put a fence around those fucking things…😜
    If you need a hand to pull you up a little or go down in the bucket and visit you while you sit ….then I’m your guy my friend…😁
    Xo

  8. I’ve been there! Great poem. I absolutely love poetry.
    As a recovering addict (seven months clean and counting every day) this really strikes a chord with me.
    Through my five year long battle with opioid addiction, I learned so so so much about addiction, withdrawal, relapse, rehab, drugs themselves, strategies for staying sober… the list goes on. Anyways I decided to put my knowledge to use and so I started a weekly podcast called Addictions on iTunes and googleplay.
    I feature valuable insight for anyone effected by addiction check it out if you get a chance. My WordPress site will lead the way to your listening pleasure.

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