she wasn’t like them, so they didn’t like her
to her face they smiled and said ‘nice things’
which she knew were lies
behind her back they laughed
and made dirty-lezzie jokes
because it made them uncomfortable
to think about what they thought she did
it made them feel a bit disgusted
like when you stand too close
…
she looked like them in superficial ways
wore at times, nicer dresses and had longer hair
the fact that she liked girls wasn’t in their
comfort zone
when it was summer time they had
BBQ’s and invited all the neighborhood kids
wondering if she would be safe around minors or
would do something inappropriate
when they started a mommy running club
she wasn’t invited because she was neither
a mommy or someone they wanted to
bare their secrets with
what would she understand of husbands?
maybe their husbands liked her
because she was unavailable
when it was Halloween they made candy and
knocked on all the doors but hers
because the other mothers said best to avoid
what they did not care to know
…
that’s why she lived a harder life than she had to
for there is almost nothing worse than pretend friendliness
leaving you more alone than if they said what they thought
and spat in your face
if you think that’s an exaggeration or she feels
sorry for herself
think on the tiny percent of the world
where being gay is safe or legal
and the huge part of the world where it is forbidden or punished
think on how many lament at
the shift in culture toward acceptance
calling it a ruination of our society with all
those damn fags
compare it to those who truly feel inclusive
how every day isn’t the same
when you have to contend with not fitting in
making everyone else feel uncomfortable
just by existing
nor can you talk about what matters to you
just in-case visual images abound and people
begin to change the subject
…
if it were a choice … a lifestyle … few would make it
yet she exists
wishing sometimes the phone would ring
another girl like her would say
I know how you feel
would you like to go for a walk?
she is a gay princess in a tower
and her princess
is somewhere in the world perhaps
thinking the same thoughts
two outsiders
unable to find each other