Will I go back in time? 
Wet stockings, drying like chapped hands on weazy radiator
Your disapprobation, her disinterest, parents who
Took poorly to the role
And I, their disappointment
Not strictly failure
More a damp root, a smell of mold
Reminding them of empty spaces within themselves
I lay, hot brow, empty handed, slack mouthed, dearticulated by illness
Briefly relieved to be cut loose
And years passed overhead without sound
Tiny dancers on the globe turning time
Until they could not be certain, of ever having had
A child
Nor was I sure, I had been born
Such is the potency of separation
We can remove ourselves to point of extinction
And now I may return, the Archer retracing steps
With fine lines and trembling notion, mangled by distance
They cast every doubt in nets of resentment
No doubt it was a relief not to attempt a role
Illsuited to 
People without need
We forget
Going home is often empty

0 Replies to “Empty space”

  1. I have learned not to travel to or linger in places where I am not wanted–doesn’t matter where, doesn’t matter with whom. I know you know of what I am saying…
    “I lay, hot brow, empty handed, slack mouthed, dearticulated by illness
    Briefly relieved to be cut loose
    And years passed overhead without sound
    Tiny dancers on the globe turning time
    Until they could not be certain, of ever having had
    A child
    Nor was I sure, I had been born
    Such is the potency of separation”
    We, in time, learn to venture to where we are wanted, where those greeting us are excited to see us and not indifferent or acting out of obligation upon our presence.

    1. Oh how right you are. I used to be one of those shameless children who hurled themselves at others for the comfort of it, even if it was patently obvious they weren’t interested. I was definitely desperate. I am not that person anymore, I like you, do not go where I am not wanted, but there is always the reminder of those provoked emotions. I really liked your thoughts on this. xo Thank you

  2. Such sadness. Parenting is not an innate skill. There are those who should never have children. And others who should but can’t. ‘Tis a strange world we live in xx

    1. Indeed. I learned from being so sick since August and I suppose what doesn’t kill you, does make you stronger, that’s the direction I’m going, of strength, and overcoming. I suppose this is my way of working through what was provoked by the experience. Thank you dear one. I miss you. Sorry for not being properly in touch of late, been battling but I do truly believe I’ll overcome. If you email me pls send to candicelouisa@rocketmail.com as I don’t check the gmail one. Happy Xmas lovely friend. Mighty sends her love as does Joey.

      1. You are often in my thoughts and prayers. I am sooo happy to know that you are recovering. To see that has been enough –
        for now πŸ™‚ Writing is such a powerful therapeutic tool. Your experience and learning shines through your words. I think I sent you an email on the old address when I got your beautiful card. Don’t worry about hunting for it. It was just a THANK YOU! Will write again very soon. Hugs to all of you xxxx

  3. So much sadness still in need of shedding… So feel your pain..
    Sending LOVE and may you find peace within..
    Wishing you special Christmas wishes your way Candice..
    Love and Blessings
    Sue x x x

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