Through the rain, the sound of ending
Despite this, I am closer now, to remembering
Every sharpened affection, how it took every bit
Left nothing in its place
I am closer through the looking glass
Sounds of a hundred regrets
Of each time and then
Of you taking me by the neck
Laying down in our abyss
This
I am still closer now to this
Though it has been figurative years
Lifetimes and burials
Lost in the neglect that comes
When you have always seen in the other’s eyes
Such a deep thing of enduring
As if it were swept out by a big brush now it is gone
It was a error to believe that look was love
Wanting to fit a jigsaw piece but you did not
Once they knew that, the need for you
Snuffed out
And the ship carrying your heart
Saw no lighthouse and floundered on rocks
And you with less than you ever had
Sunk like a exhaled regret
Like an exile without tether
Down into the drowning of your grief
As thick and peerless as anybody could be
Without air and succor
No hand reaching through water
No one there, perhaps they never were
Now it is definite, it is legal, it is provable
Gone, as if not once was any of it true
And the lies you told yourself
And the hope you carried
Sinks with you
Where you have no more words
Where nothing is nothing
Without that sustaining strength
And the rain is inside you, not exterior
You are the girl crying in public places
You are the woman watching emptiness drive away
You are years down the road alone
You are forgotten and yes .. you wanted something whole
It broke into pieces too smashed to remold
So long ago you don’t know where you put the parts
Perhaps they stab you now like thorns in weeping dark
But you’ll never trust again, not one word, not one action
You’ve walled yourself off, in an ocean of your own
Set on repeat to drown, every time you wake up
Every morning it comes around
The pain
Excruciating and long
Eternity and punishment
For ever believing
For ever letting yourself believe
What they felt was the same
Because it wasn’t, it couldn’t have been
They still inhabit the land of the living
And really you should have known that
A very very long time ago
When you were both younger and smooth of melancholy
A sense the promise was too sweetly said
Fast in utterance, not enough breadth
Like puffing up your cheeks and letting go your breath
Is no more than rushing air, warm from your mouth
And your eyes, I should have examined closer
They did not blink and I thought this meant truth
When a lie can wear
The very same outfit