Once
That part that burned to taste
Urged me to crumple up and set fire to rocket
Rushing in sky, a mauve glove of geese, maybe I’d die in pursuit
Or perhaps retain the heat of being young and urging on
Like galloping upon horse across darkened moor
Would permit youth to live evermore in witnessing starlight
I recall that impetious surge
To swallow up the entire sky
Opening my lusty mouth wide 
Consume all I could shove inside
Learning, love, adventure, dream, pain
Extinquish hesitate
Now it seems
Such a different version of me
I am no more the linx who came out in ebony hour
Thirsting for touch and feel, experiences mixed in bags of sticky fingered treats
To exist purely in a waking sleep
Smoking the reefer of self deceit, shifting always with instinctual unease
In whose arms, I longed to go, with my whole
And yet ever as if I were just passing through
Never laying down long enough to know
What struck real metal, versus weak afterglow
It was
The life we may choose to dreamily walk through
Until some bell or shackle
Maybe a curse, maybe worse
Or a loosening of something always within us, waiting to be witnessed
Halts the hedonistic child clutching her fat purse
Of fanciful, unraveled, egotism colored outbursts
Shakes her quite loose of her self satisfied joints
All the sweetness, all the spice
She is only this girl because she’s yet to find
There is so much more in the soft slowing of the mind
And when you see in an old woman’s eye
The girl she once was, held steady against her rounding shine
It is with joy you embrace the whole
Her fulcrum, glowing luminous along with moon

0 Replies to “Fulcrum”

  1. That was fantastic! Thank you!
    “Smoking the reefer of self-deceit, shifting always with instinctual unease” That is a very visual… After reading this a few times, sympathizing with the addiction to it all…

  2. Such amazing images again, Candice. It all resonates with me. It’s hard to pinpoint that moment when we start looking back retrospectively only to discover the woman we’ve grown in to was there all along. It’s maybe a sort of self-fulfillment where we become greater than the sum of our parts? ๐Ÿ’–

  3. How have you found this in you. I wondered when, where you might see it … I suppose it comes in its own time. I feel you have steadied on the path … be well, and be whole my friend !

    1. Thank you dear P. I did so when I got very sick in August, it’s been a battle since, not threatening life but threatening more or less everything else including sanity, and security! I had to realize that if you seek to control you lose because nothing is controlable except how we respond to it. I was catastrophizing ahead of catastrophy. Anyway I’m still learning, some days I do a pretty good job, others not so much. I do wish I had not been dealt such a challenging lesson but what other kind is there? I am trying to get better each and every day and I have a new friend – hope and positive thinking. It actually suits me ๐Ÿ™‚

      1. Candice – Iโ€™ve always known it was there in you, you possess more than intellect, that is wisdom and courage, and to pierce the veil takes all three. I found this quote from another young woman I admire; โ€œHope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tunes without the words and never stops at all.โ€ – Emily Dickinson. Yes, your new found friend suits you well!

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