Your betrayal came before the post on Monday
If I listened it may have sounded
Like paper in air, losing gravity
The unexpected slap of shiny magazine
And echoing hinged snap of closed door flap
The postman left his shoe imprints in the snow
One way in, one way out and the bare branches of the trees
Were cold dancers cupping themselves to imaginary fernace
You had already gone before the skies admitted
Their talcum-powdered descent of white
Your letter, handwriting in your bold certain shape
The same hand that had led me up the stairs
A silver bracelet bought when we visited the seaside, on your wrist
Strong hand, reaching for me, for my rustle and my yawning silouette
We were shapes against the mirror of moonlight
Streaming our own version of whispers and little cries
You never let go of my hand even
As you turned your neck and slept, dreamlessly by my side
And I lay in partial light feeling your resonance
Play like an instrument on my damp skin
Your upright, careful letter and the last word, your name
A name I had put into the core of me and melted down
Covering any fear that you’d crack my heart
Open like a woodland walnut and expose the soft innards
No, not this woman, with her fingers reading my brail
And her tongue searching for stars in the folds of hesitate
She has breathed me in, carved her name in my wood
I cannot stir without a part of her moving alongside me
Life no longer singular I am now and always, illuminated
By her rounding glow and the peach dream of her thighs
Wrapped in mutual surround, the open window
Carrying our symphony into gloaming night wind
How then are you gone?
As rapid as my chest threatens to explode
A single firework
Removed from me and behind, spending in your wake
Emptiness
Letters furthering no explanation, blurring in porcelain horror
If I had listened
Maybe the stir of settling snow or else
Some torn part would reveal
The sense in loss
I stand by the picture window
Wearing an old shirt of yours
Yellow at the collar and faded with wash
Across the road, a neighbor walks her dogs
She glances my way and sees
Only the shadow of
A life without
You