She always knew she was a girl

by the way older women treated her

their higher standards expected

than if she were a boy

for boys … could climb trees and expose their underwear

while she was scolded and told not to be ‘a little harlot’

boys came barreling in full of spunk and fury

exhibiting their mirth with muddy feet

to ladies who smiled indulgently and patted their

ruffled heads

glancing over at her, with disapproving eyes

and a tut of the chin which said; “I hope you are not

going to track that mud into the kitchen and if you do

be prepared to clean it up. What kind of girl climbs

trees and gets herself full of dirt?

The unspoken and the spoken

those days she sought sympathy when her heart

felt like bursting

responses varying from; “maybe you didn’t ‘try hard

enough, you should apply yourself next time” to “don’t

go on about your problems so much, we all have problems

you are not the only one!” While they fretted and discussed

the poor boy whose horrible girlfriend left him

how grief stricken he was afterward, they could do nothing

it was so hard to watch

not difficult at all to watch her fall

almost amusing

almost delightful

female expectations a bar far too high

even for a gymnast

whilst boys ran beneath it

in spastic freedom

from the quiet exceptionalism of their gender

through the eyes of a woman

she learned early on

to keep her thoughts and wishes to herself

for each vulnerability would be handled roughly

turned against her like a shard of glass

piercing deep

she learned, to do for herself as the boys

were fed, dressed, coveted, admired, flattered

and grew fat and indulgent on it

rather like farm yard pigs

she grew strong in that way pain lends

a thin weed

trying to survive by the side of a busy road

filled with fumes and cars belching their poison

yet she knew if she wanted to survive

she could not walk along that road

by herself, taking short cut

through fields, because that’s where

women were raped

among thorny bushes, hands reaching out

grasping for them, hungry and snarling

she was told it was her fault if she

succumbed and her fault if she died from

fighting them off and her fault if she was

there when she shouldn’t have been

but nobody said it was their fault

or asked them to explain

why after being fed, clothed, petted and cossetted

by women

they chose

to make women their victim

no, that nobody had an answer for

maybe if they did, they would say

women did this to them, poor dears

it’s not the fault of a man! He was spoilt

and that’s a woman’s fault! She didn’t

teach him correctly, he had no choice!

And all the women who gave her

cross looks when she came in with her knees

scuffed from climbing a wall or when she ran

ungainly across the lawn and they chided her

for being ‘unladylike’

smiled at the fattened calf and said

oh my daughter would be so lucky

to marry a man like him! If only she

tried, a little harder.”

26 Replies to “The rhyme of girls who skin their knees”

  1. I can identify, in my own way. I was always climbing trees, laying in the woods, fording the river, building dams in the creek, and always always barefoot with a book in my hand. How many evenings I came in, dirty and with twigs or moss in my hair. Clean yourself up!! I suppose I’ll never measure up. 💕

  2. I wonder, if I had had a sister, would I have noticed the difference, and if so, what would I have understood of it beyond, “That’s the way it is.”?

  3. Smita expressed it correctly! Great piece, Candice. It definitely resonated with me as I, too, was labeled a “non-traditional girl” growing up. <3

  4. My soul is still vibrating with remembered double standards and solitary moments of pain. Yet, somehow we grow up to love and support each other, the men and boys in our lives, and hold ourselves upright through years of work. Ironing out wrinkles where we can. And I still skin my knee sometimes. 🙂

  5. I love this response! I agree! Although I think we need to do more work supporting each other as women but aside that I love the idea of you still skinning your knee, hopefully the girl in the apple tree forever!

  6. I’m a big snow fan so it’s glorious even without power but I totally hear you and know it can get too much … I wish you Spring and beauty ahead my friend

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